When You Know Better….
What's a mom to do? A boy mom specifically. An only parent mom of two. When I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband passed away unexpectedly. I am beyond thankful on a daily for he left me with three extraordinary things: two boys (that resemble his everything: personality, charm, character, looks, intelligence, all the things) and the gift of knowing God. My oldest at the time was almost 2. Ten years have now passed, and let me tell you, raising boys is no joke.
It was that moment when my oldest was 11-turning 18. He didn't need me much except to make his meals and wash his laundry. Everything was always "good," and "See ya mom, going to my room" was frequent. Gaming and football circulated his mind, as well as maintaining being an amazing big brother. It was the same moment when my then 9-year-old would use the microwave to melt down a collection of gummy worms and other sticky candy to invent a new candy that would go viral when he opened his restaurant someday. I told you, no joke. These are the moments when reality hits hard. They are no longer babies, they are different every day, and I'm "mom".
Trying to navigate life as a single woman is hard enough, let alone raising the opposite sex and race. I don't know about the majority of boyhood. Like, why peeing outside is so freeing. Or why passing gas is so hilarious. Even though I often find that I can not relate, I can still learn, and I most definitely do! I will forever cherish that my boys have taught me to let things go. It's never a big deal for too long for them, whether good or bad. But being upset at one another and building a fort together moments later is a reminder that life is short. It's not THAT serious. We don't have to hold everything against someone. We, too, have fallen short. We, too, have not known any better.
I think of the day I was loading the dishwasher, and they wrestled (as usual) post-dinner. I still don't know how it's humanly possible to wrestle or do much else after eating a full meal! As I hear myself from former identical situations saying, "Boys, that's enough," this is the first time, however, that I didn't say that out loud. I allowed them to settle what they needed as boys, young men. It created a new set of boundaries between them because mom wasn't yelling "stop." It planted an understanding between them to know how far to push it with their nine and 11-year-old strength. A crash resolved it following my oldest saying, "Yup, I'm getting in the shower" and running swiftly to the bathroom. As a witness and not a referee, it was dope to see that play out (my kids would call me cringy for saying that).
On this Father's Day, wherever you are in your journey, whether a parent, reminiscing about your childhood and your parents, or just reading this for fun, I don't believe it's by accident. I want to share some of the other important lessons I've learned as a single mom of boys and in life. I've written this all down throughout the years, never thinking I would share it with anyone other than my boys. However, I've also learned to share all the goodness given to you because someone else may need it. Someone needs to hear about YOUR story. You never know who can and will be spiritually touched by sharing your testimony. So, here we are. A moment of sharing in hopes you can resonate, be inspired, reshare, or keep in your back pocket for a rainy day.
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Just because your vision isn't theirs doesn't make yours less validated/beautiful/important/intentional/YOURS. #DoYou
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Every perfect thing in its timing... #perfecttiming
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■ People aren't always for you
• Not every opportunity is meant for you
■ The devil dresses in disguise
• Empaths are an entirely different breed
■ Being a mom is the best gift
• Entrepreneurship is rewarding as it is challenging + the challenge is the reward
■ It's imperative to have multiple streams of income
• Your story has the power to save someone
■ Things look a whole lot different when you • start expressing gratitude
• I've always been covered but didn't always know it (by God)
■ Not everyone can stay with you on your journey
• Being you is exactly who you are supposed to be
■ It's ok not to commit
• Family isn't always blood
■ If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you
• Reality is one thing, but judgment isn't your job
■ Never set your purse on the floor
• I am blessed
■ Reagge never gets old
• Waiting is an action
■ Having a counsel is important
• You must spread your wings to fly
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My saving 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙲𝙴 is that by 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙲𝙴 I've been saved
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Time is just one of those things that go too fast, except when you have too much time on your hands.
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A moment in time can change the course of your life forever.
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Waiting for the right time can allow the opportunity to pass by.
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Making up for lost time is something we tell ourselves when we don't just take the time in the first place.
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A fraction of time is seemingly what we are given in this life to do what we were placed here to do.
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When time passes, will you have done all you can to make every second count?
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Time waits for no one.
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Waisted time can quickly happen when you've stepped off your path...but it's never genuinely wasted if you've learned something + gotten back on.
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This time you will do better, because you know better.
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The time is going to pass by no matter what. Make it count.
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It's all in God's time.
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It's time.
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Listen. Verify their feelings. Be open to their differences. Never compare to each other or anyone. Enjoy every moment, even the ones when I'm all the way pushed to the edge. Show them there is more to the world than where they currently stand. Love has no color and teach them to embrace differences. Never stop reading. Explore. Be brave. Be humble. Handle your business. Never judge. Treat everyone with kindness. Keep your business within your four walls. Save a dollar. Respect your parents. God has got you covered. And always look out for your brother.
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"Make haste slowly."
The Romans + Japanese use this phrase which translates and reminds us to "take your time to do the job right. Don't let yourself be so rushed that you lose the focus that peace of mind brings," as well as "advance and grow, but do so with thought and care."
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This simple yet highly logical quote by @drmayaangelou has resonated with me for many years, thanks to my late husband. "When you know better, do better." I still have moments where I do know better and don't; I'm human. Moral and ethical values are becoming a thing of the past. I refuse to contribute to that with the raising of my boys. I may not do it all right all the time, but if I'm responsible for them, Im sure going to do my best to teach them "better" while holding them accountable. "Dusting off time-tested beliefs" and "teaching the wisdom of an earlier generation" {as quoted by @drrickrigsby} is such a proper mindset to have these days. Old school mentality where you work hard without excuses, handle your business, be a man of your word, be kind, and don't complain, just a few characteristics that don't exist much these days in younger generations, sadly. On a shelf in my living room, pictured, is one of these men that was of that old-school mentality. He had high expectations for himself and those he was responsible for. A man I never got to meet, but he was the Grandfather of my husband and an incredible father. His legacy is in the boys' blood, and I couldn't be more grateful.
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The moment when:
You stop and realize everything is perfect; the blessings, the cocktail, the view, the lighting, the relationships, the family, the "job," the finances, the meal, the week, the mood, the future, the past...
And then, you find yourself trying to dig for something wrong, something that's not perfect or could be better.
STOP
Why do we allow our thoughts to go to a place that discounts the happy and seemingly perfect to make room for the false or worldly narrative? We are SO worthy of OUR perfect, perfect moments and perfect thoughts. Sure, we always have room for growth, and indeed, it's essential to recognize that, but only in its time! On the contrary, we are allowed happiness, even if for a moment! Forget past wrongdoings. We have grown from that! Like the newly formed flower buds pushing their way through the dirt, a former and new season collectively have allowed our current perfect moment and being to prosper and to be owned without question!
Be your perfect today. Be perfectly still, knowing that your previous "not perfect" has paved the way to appreciate the current perfect.
Perfectly imperfect.
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Don't try to force anything. Let life be a deep let-go. God opens millions of flowers every day without forcing their buds.
-Osho
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Each person who draws breath on this earth receives the same amount of time each day: 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, or 86,400 seconds. But at the end of that day, the time is gone.
Time cannot be stolen, exchanged, refunded, stockpiled, or hacked. Time is minimal—and significantly in demand. Think of all that competes for your time daily—overwhelmed yet?
Many of us live at a frantic pace. Our calendars are overflowing; we run from one activity to the next. There's constant noise in our lives. We're always "connected." But are we actually connecting with others?
Busyness does not equal importance.
Today, be intentional in your relationships. Make time to spend with those you love and care about.
Love is a choice. Love is a verb.
-Dr. Gary Chapman
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The full circle meets and is grief and Glory.
God may have brought you full circle to remind you who He is, to teach you something new, or to measure just how far you've come. Cue the Gratitude.
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Going through this thing called life blind at times. First time at so many things; being a mom, only parent, business owner, homeowner, rule maker, decision choosing queen. What a whirlwind. Learning to give yourself grace when you feel like you can't decide anymore, don't want to take all the responsibilities, or question if you've made the right choice. GRACE is the answer. I've learned that learning from my mistakes has gotten me this far; the key is learning and then choosing to do better. It's when you've been woke but choose to stay asleep that keeps you in the whirlwind. Stay in your lane without passing judgment (pun intended). We are all here doing our best. Situations are different and complex, and one's challenges are unlike yours. DO YOU. Do what's best for you. And do better when you know better—no secrets to life; just learning how to live it.
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HOME
Is where you make it
There's no place like it
A safe dwelling
Mi casa es su casa
-ward bound
-sick
Love begins there
The story of who we are
Built with love + faith + dreams
Is where the heart is 🖤
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Love them where they're at.
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I'm not sure why I was chosen to be gifted these two amazing young me. I don't ask those questions. I receive it and pray like crazy to be guided. I've never claimed to be mok of the year or the mom that knows what's best. But I do what I think is best and pray through the moments I don't know what is best. We live in a world that produces more hate than love at times—sleepless nights and thoughts from every angle imaginable race my mind more often than not. However, I've also learned that all we have is today. The Lord will provide and He will equip you. I am so grateful for these two boys that have taught me so much. I have still so much to learn. This is, after all, a thankless and endless duty, parenthood. To God be the Glory for equipping me daily with this time-sensitive gift of motherhood.
Happy Father's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Oh, HAPPY DAY!
Ashley Jackson